oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I will be naked everywhere
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
