Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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