I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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