My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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