i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
