She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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