it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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