the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize