My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I just sharted jello shots
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
