We got so high we made milksteak
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
