just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
