susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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