I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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