I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
