Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize