to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
