i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize