I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
