I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
