Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
