Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
