sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
