i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Duck Duck Cougar?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you have to choose: penises or morals?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Randomize
