dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
