my sisters under your porch take her home
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
