sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
