My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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