So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
