Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
