I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I will pee on everything he values.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
