Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
