Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize