yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
false alarm. still invincible.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
