HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
