I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
