Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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