What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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