I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
