Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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