Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
