I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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