took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you had me at cake vodka
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize