just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
