i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
