He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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