I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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