forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
