Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
