I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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