He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
