my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
