I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
