I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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