My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
