if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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