New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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