Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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