margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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