wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you had me at cake vodka
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
