i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
