btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
