if i died would you start the facebook group?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
