i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize