i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
