i was born a porn star she said
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
