Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
