This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
