you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
