you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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