I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
