Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wear drunk well.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
