talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
