what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
