I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's always time for handjobs
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
