RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
