There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
