I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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