I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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