did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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