I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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