I want to walk on stilts...naked
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
