summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
