I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
