its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
