Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
