fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
