At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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