life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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