hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
