I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
