her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
