Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
