stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
