Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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