Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
