I'm eating all of the evidence.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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