Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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