when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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