its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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