Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
