Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
