why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
