So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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