I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
