this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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