I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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