who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize